Real friends are so hard to come by. It is so tragic that once we find them, we so often let them slip through our fingers because we forgot to let them know our new address or became too busy and important to care what happened in their lives.
The secret of finding the true beauty that lies in a long lasting friendship is simply to let it grow. There are no pressures in a real and trusting friendship, other than to simply be there when you are needed.
The problem is - how do we know when we are needed? Ah - this is when problems begin; this is when we begin to realise that being a friend requires a little attention from time to time.
We all have a wide circle of people we contact for this or that reason: friends who share our bowling nights; friends who join our annual hike around the lake for charity in the summer; friends who tagged onto the end of our networking site; work friends; drinking buddies. These people are part of the tapestry of friendship; pleased to see us from time to time as we are pleased to see them.
Long term friends are different. They are the people who cried with you when you lost your pet puppy; the shoulder you cried on when your girlfriend dumped you for the class hero; the guy who lent you his last dollar so you could buy your Mom a birthday card. Those people require and deserve a little loving care.
'You and me against the world' friendships are rare; buried treasure in a sea of casual cordialities. Those friendships need looking after and as true friends ask for so little when you consider how much you get back. Buy your best friend a Christmas friendship gift that means a little more than a trite and worn out phrase in a tacky Christmas card. It seems little to do for someone who would drive miles in the dead of night to be by your side if you need them.
Friendship between best friends is a two way exchange - the eternal sharing of trust and love that outclasses just about every other relationship you will ever have. Look after it - it may be the only one you will ever be blessed with. Give it some air from time to time and feed it with plenty of contact and an occasional thoughtful friendship gift.
I believe in Friendship, I believe that it is so healthy for us. I know that if it was not for my friends I would be in a different place today and not a better place! I also like giving - no I love giving! I believe that when you give you get - and you get even bigger
Cathy Raff - Author
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Friends in Our Relationships
When we have problems within our relationships, we tend to go to our friends with the problem and ask for advice. Its great to have friends and go to them for advice but it doesn't mean we must take the advice all the time. Most of the time our friends will have our best interest at heart, the problem is, they are not in your relationship. We can all have a moan about our relationship and if we moan too much, on the outside, it will appear that we have a very unhappy relationship when this may not really be the case.
Behind close doors we all have much different relationships to what our friends may see. The problem is, if you go to your friends with all your relationship problems, then they may judge it wrong. Not meaning to, but they can only go by what you tell them. Most of the time, we can paint a picture worse than what it is because we are angry at the time. No one sees what really goes on behind those closed doors apart from you and your partner.
I know in the past I must have given some really bad advice in my teenage years as I was very anti men. I believed all men were useless and just out for what they could get. Most of my advice was quite negative. It was very hard for me to see the good in men. So in future when you do go to a friend for advice, look at the state of their relationship first, or see what their views on men are first. No one is perfect, there is going to be ups and downs in all relationships.
Just because you have had an argument about money or the children, there is no need for you to go running to a friend with all the information. Don't always go moaning to your friend. You may be really happy with your partner, but with all the moaning and complaining to your Friends it does not come across that way, so the advice could be negative, which will not help your relationship indoors.
Moan at him instead, until you feel better about the situation. Of course as women we will speak about our relationships. what I am saying is don't share your whole relationship with your friends, its none of their business really. If you do tend to share things with your friends, make sure its the good things too. This way you can attract more goodness into your relationship.
I tell it as it is to women. I speak the truth no matter how harsh it may come out. All relationships have problems some where along the way. I tackle as many issues as possible. From cheating, to romance babies children within the relationships, lying you name it, I will tell you about your relationship. I tell you what your friends and family don't. Visit my blog and sign your email details in and I will give you one to one personal advice.
Angela Walters-Kitone - Author
Behind close doors we all have much different relationships to what our friends may see. The problem is, if you go to your friends with all your relationship problems, then they may judge it wrong. Not meaning to, but they can only go by what you tell them. Most of the time, we can paint a picture worse than what it is because we are angry at the time. No one sees what really goes on behind those closed doors apart from you and your partner.
I know in the past I must have given some really bad advice in my teenage years as I was very anti men. I believed all men were useless and just out for what they could get. Most of my advice was quite negative. It was very hard for me to see the good in men. So in future when you do go to a friend for advice, look at the state of their relationship first, or see what their views on men are first. No one is perfect, there is going to be ups and downs in all relationships.
Just because you have had an argument about money or the children, there is no need for you to go running to a friend with all the information. Don't always go moaning to your friend. You may be really happy with your partner, but with all the moaning and complaining to your Friends it does not come across that way, so the advice could be negative, which will not help your relationship indoors.
Moan at him instead, until you feel better about the situation. Of course as women we will speak about our relationships. what I am saying is don't share your whole relationship with your friends, its none of their business really. If you do tend to share things with your friends, make sure its the good things too. This way you can attract more goodness into your relationship.
I tell it as it is to women. I speak the truth no matter how harsh it may come out. All relationships have problems some where along the way. I tackle as many issues as possible. From cheating, to romance babies children within the relationships, lying you name it, I will tell you about your relationship. I tell you what your friends and family don't. Visit my blog and sign your email details in and I will give you one to one personal advice.
Angela Walters-Kitone - Author
Appreciating Friendship - How to Say Thank You
Friendship comes in all kinds of packages. The deep and lasting friendships that begin in junior school and extend into old age are rare indeed and often punctuated with quarrels and clashes of opinion over the years. Friendship can evolve over a long period of time from being the giggling trio in the tree house to being companions in the care home. Friends do not always get along and why should they? The deepest friendships might be peppered with disagreements and squabbles, some of which are never quite resolved; both parties agreeing to disagree rather than dissolve a precious link as friends.
In country communities where there are few modern distractions and entertainments, friends share a social life of deeper intensity than city dwellers but tend to have fewer opportunities for leisure. Friendship is therefore expressed in more practical ways. A farmer might take over a sick friend's chores; his wife might take care of her friend's children as a gesture of friendship; friends who have suffered bereavement or be ill might be visited by friends bringing gifts of food. Unfortunately, not a great deal of hugging and kissing goes on in these rustic communities; friendship is just not demonstrated that way.
Showing a friend you care need not cost much - in fact, it need not cost anything at all! Women tend to have a better concept of how to express friendship than men, probably because they tend to be more emotionally charged where their friends are concerned. A woman might vacuum the rugs or wash the dishes for a friend who has just had a baby or be overloaded at work - and these thoughtful rituals might just as easily be reciprocated in a companionable 'you scratch my back and I will scratch yours' give and take. But isn't this what friendship should be? A two way exchange of consideration that benefits both...
At special times of the year and even for no particular reason, giving a friend a thoughtful friendship gift can mean a great deal. Friendship thrives on consideration and companionship and cannot be expected to run forever on the occasional Christmas or birthday card.
In the holiday season as we shop for gifts to bring a smile to the face of a good friend, giving a meaningful and inexpensive gift, especially a gift that may be kept and treasured forever, will spread a little magic around and bring a sparkle to the occasion.
I believe in Friendship, I believe that it is so healthy for us. I know that if it was not for my friends I would be in a different place today and not a better place!
I also like giving - no I love giving! I believe that when you give you get - and you get even bigger!
For those two reasons I have created The Friendship Stone, come and join us watch how The Friendship Stone travels the globe and infects people with the Giving Feeling!
Cathy Raff - Author
In country communities where there are few modern distractions and entertainments, friends share a social life of deeper intensity than city dwellers but tend to have fewer opportunities for leisure. Friendship is therefore expressed in more practical ways. A farmer might take over a sick friend's chores; his wife might take care of her friend's children as a gesture of friendship; friends who have suffered bereavement or be ill might be visited by friends bringing gifts of food. Unfortunately, not a great deal of hugging and kissing goes on in these rustic communities; friendship is just not demonstrated that way.
Showing a friend you care need not cost much - in fact, it need not cost anything at all! Women tend to have a better concept of how to express friendship than men, probably because they tend to be more emotionally charged where their friends are concerned. A woman might vacuum the rugs or wash the dishes for a friend who has just had a baby or be overloaded at work - and these thoughtful rituals might just as easily be reciprocated in a companionable 'you scratch my back and I will scratch yours' give and take. But isn't this what friendship should be? A two way exchange of consideration that benefits both...
At special times of the year and even for no particular reason, giving a friend a thoughtful friendship gift can mean a great deal. Friendship thrives on consideration and companionship and cannot be expected to run forever on the occasional Christmas or birthday card.
In the holiday season as we shop for gifts to bring a smile to the face of a good friend, giving a meaningful and inexpensive gift, especially a gift that may be kept and treasured forever, will spread a little magic around and bring a sparkle to the occasion.
I believe in Friendship, I believe that it is so healthy for us. I know that if it was not for my friends I would be in a different place today and not a better place!
I also like giving - no I love giving! I believe that when you give you get - and you get even bigger!
For those two reasons I have created The Friendship Stone, come and join us watch how The Friendship Stone travels the globe and infects people with the Giving Feeling!
Cathy Raff - Author
Defining Friendship - Making Our Friendships Count
Everybody has friends: friends who stay; friends who come and go; friends who travel and stay-at-home-friends who can always be found at the kitchen table with a ready cup of coffee whenever we need them - steady rocks to sustain us when we are worried or hurt.
Friendships are in this year! As the year draws to a close and we are all thinking about festive gift buying, trimming trees and ordering poultry, we cast only a passing thought to whether we have paid enough attention to our friends, other than a cursory, 'I hope he (or she) hasn't bought me anything expensive this year because I only bought that tiny gift...'
Real friends, of course, don't mind what you buy or not buy them. They are always there, like the pillars on your porch - you don't notice them but they are there to hold you up most of the time.
Close friends will become part of the furniture - almost invisible - no longer acknowledged, simply because they are so close they are party to every thought you have and every idea you express. Some friends are so in tune they enjoy companionable silences as much as animated conversation, not needing to fill the gaps with meaningless jabbering, content to enjoy a peaceful moment with a good pal.
Friendship can be an art form to some people who are ultra sociable and love to fill their houses with as many hundreds as they can fit in for their annual Christmas or New Year's party, proud of the three hundred and fifty greetings card on the hallstand from everyone, including the postman and the caterer. Friends are a lifeline to someone who enjoys friendship by the busload and cannot communicate as comfortably 'one to one'.
Human dependency on friendship has flourished since the birth of man and even the worst villains and the greatest heroes in history shared lifetime friendships that influenced international events and shaped the World we live in. A good friend is someone worth taking care of. Show them some respect - remember their birthday; talk to them often and remember to ask them what is going on in their life.
Friendship teaches us to care about other people and shows us how great it can feel to have someone care about us in return. It is the prologue for every meaningful relationship in life and forms the basis of so many other important things such as love, respect and loyalty.
Take the time this Christmas to remember your best and closest friend with a meaningful Christmas gift.
I believe in Friendship, I believe that it is so healthy for us. I know that if it was not for my friends I would be in a different place today and not a better place!
I also like giving - no I love giving! I believe that when you give you get - and you get even bigger!
For those two reasons I have created The Friendship Stone, come and join us watch how The Friendship Stone travels the globe and infects people with the Giving Feeling!
Cathy Raff - Author
Friendships are in this year! As the year draws to a close and we are all thinking about festive gift buying, trimming trees and ordering poultry, we cast only a passing thought to whether we have paid enough attention to our friends, other than a cursory, 'I hope he (or she) hasn't bought me anything expensive this year because I only bought that tiny gift...'
Real friends, of course, don't mind what you buy or not buy them. They are always there, like the pillars on your porch - you don't notice them but they are there to hold you up most of the time.
Close friends will become part of the furniture - almost invisible - no longer acknowledged, simply because they are so close they are party to every thought you have and every idea you express. Some friends are so in tune they enjoy companionable silences as much as animated conversation, not needing to fill the gaps with meaningless jabbering, content to enjoy a peaceful moment with a good pal.
Friendship can be an art form to some people who are ultra sociable and love to fill their houses with as many hundreds as they can fit in for their annual Christmas or New Year's party, proud of the three hundred and fifty greetings card on the hallstand from everyone, including the postman and the caterer. Friends are a lifeline to someone who enjoys friendship by the busload and cannot communicate as comfortably 'one to one'.
Human dependency on friendship has flourished since the birth of man and even the worst villains and the greatest heroes in history shared lifetime friendships that influenced international events and shaped the World we live in. A good friend is someone worth taking care of. Show them some respect - remember their birthday; talk to them often and remember to ask them what is going on in their life.
Friendship teaches us to care about other people and shows us how great it can feel to have someone care about us in return. It is the prologue for every meaningful relationship in life and forms the basis of so many other important things such as love, respect and loyalty.
Take the time this Christmas to remember your best and closest friend with a meaningful Christmas gift.
I believe in Friendship, I believe that it is so healthy for us. I know that if it was not for my friends I would be in a different place today and not a better place!
I also like giving - no I love giving! I believe that when you give you get - and you get even bigger!
For those two reasons I have created The Friendship Stone, come and join us watch how The Friendship Stone travels the globe and infects people with the Giving Feeling!
Cathy Raff - Author
Friday, September 4, 2009
How to Save Your Marriage - How I Saved My Marriage and What You Should Do Right Now to Save Yours
Do you have an idea of what percentage of all marriages fail? You have probably heard than it's higher than 50%, but were you aware that it is actually 87%? Yes, it is that high, unfortunately. Why do you think it is that high? Because no one is willing to make the self sacrifices, take the responsibilities and commitments that are necessary to maintain a marriage. It is the year 2009, and people are selfish. When something goes bad in a marriage, it is the easiest thing to just say that it's not working out and walk out of the marriage. But you are not like them - you want to save your marriage.
If only more people were like you - then we would have a much less failure percentage for marriages. And then we would be more unified society.
I am like you - I am willing to undergo self sacrifices and take responsibilities to save my marriage. And the good news is, after a period of total hopelessness, I did save my marriage. And everything is so great, and life is so enjoyable now! So I want you to learn from my mistakes and the right things I did; and thus I want to help you save your marriage.
Unfortunately, most people who want to save their marriages give out knee-jerk reactions to the situation. They want to find some way to fix every problem in their marriages. But the fact is, whatever problems there were that led to your marriage crisis; they didn't pop out overnight. So, you can't fix them overnight - you can't fix them by apologizing to your spouse for your mistakes. Apologizing time after time is a big mistake. It will ruin your credibility in the eyes of your spouse - they will realize that you are apologizing not because you have really understood the problems and mistakes in the marriage; but you do this rather because you want to save your marriage.
So saving a marriage first requires entering the correct mindset to do so. You can save your marriage by entering a calm state of mind only. This will allow you to think carefully about what you should do to save your marriage; and there is no quick fix to everything.
My marriage was failing on every aspect - it was such a troubled marriage that I thought there was no hope.
Yet, now I am still with my husband and I have saved my marriage. Click here to visit my website and see what I did!
Juliette_Christian
If only more people were like you - then we would have a much less failure percentage for marriages. And then we would be more unified society.
I am like you - I am willing to undergo self sacrifices and take responsibilities to save my marriage. And the good news is, after a period of total hopelessness, I did save my marriage. And everything is so great, and life is so enjoyable now! So I want you to learn from my mistakes and the right things I did; and thus I want to help you save your marriage.
Unfortunately, most people who want to save their marriages give out knee-jerk reactions to the situation. They want to find some way to fix every problem in their marriages. But the fact is, whatever problems there were that led to your marriage crisis; they didn't pop out overnight. So, you can't fix them overnight - you can't fix them by apologizing to your spouse for your mistakes. Apologizing time after time is a big mistake. It will ruin your credibility in the eyes of your spouse - they will realize that you are apologizing not because you have really understood the problems and mistakes in the marriage; but you do this rather because you want to save your marriage.
So saving a marriage first requires entering the correct mindset to do so. You can save your marriage by entering a calm state of mind only. This will allow you to think carefully about what you should do to save your marriage; and there is no quick fix to everything.
My marriage was failing on every aspect - it was such a troubled marriage that I thought there was no hope.
Yet, now I am still with my husband and I have saved my marriage. Click here to visit my website and see what I did!
Juliette_Christian
10 Habits of Happy Couples
What does it take to be happy in a relationship? If you're working to improve your marriage, here are 10 habits of happy couples.
1. Go to bed at the same time.
Remember the beginning of your relationship, when you couldn't wait to go to bed with each other to make love? Happy couples resist the temptation to go to bed at different times. They go to bed at the same time, even if one partner wakes up later to do things while their partner sleeps.
2. Cultivate common interests.
After the passion settles down, it's common to realize that you have few interests in common. But don't minimize the importance of activities you can do together that you both enjoy. If common interests are not present, happy couples develop them. At the same time, be sure to cultivate interests of your own; this will make you more interesting to your mate and prevent you from appearing too dependent.
3. Walk hand in hand or side by side.
Rather than one partner lagging or dragging behind the other, happy couples walk comfortably hand in hand or side by side. They know it's more important to be with their partner than to see the sights along the way.
4. Make trust and forgiveness your default mode.
If and when they have a disagreement or argument, and if they can't resolve it, happy couples default to trusting and forgiving rather than distrusting and begrudging.
5. Focus more on what your partner does right than what he or she does wrong.
If you look for things your partner does wrong, you can always find something. If you look for what he or she does right, you can always find something, too. It all depends on what you want to look for. Happy couples accentuate the positive.
6. Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work.
Our skin has a memory of "good touch" (loved), "bad touch" (abused) and "no touch" (neglected). Couples who say hello with a hug keep their skin bathed in the "good touch," which can inoculate your spirit against anonymity in the world.
7. Say "I love you" and "Have a good day" every morning.
This is a great way to buy some patience and tolerance as each partner sets out each day to battle traffic jams, long lines and other annoyances.
8. Say "Good night" every night, regardless of how you feel.
This tells your partner that, regardless of how upset you are with him or her, you still want to be in the relationship. It says that what you and your partner have is bigger than any single upsetting incident.
9. Do a "weather" check during the day.
Call your partner at home or at work to see how his or her day is going. This is a great way to adjust expectations so that you're more in sync when you connect after work. For instance, if your partner is having an awful day, it might be unreasonable to expect him or her to be enthusiastic about something good that happened to you.
10. Be proud to be seen with your partner.
Happy couples are pleased to be seen together and are often in some kind of affectionate contact -- hand on hand or hand on shoulder or knee or back of neck. They are not showing off but rather just saying that they belong with each other.
Happy couples have different habits than unhappy couples. A habit is a discrete behavior that you do automatically and that takes little effort to maintain. It takes 21 days of daily repetition of a new a behavior to become a habit. So select one of the behaviors in the list above to do for 21 days and voila, it will become a habit...and make you happier as a couple. And if you fall off the wagon, don't despair, just apologize to your partner, ask their forgiveness and recommit yourself to getting back in the habit.
MARK S. GOULSTON, M.D. is the author or the upcoming book, Just Listen (AMACOM, 2009) and is a psychiatrist and business coach in Santa Monica, California. Visit him at: markgoulston.com.
Article Source:Mark_Goulsto
1. Go to bed at the same time.
Remember the beginning of your relationship, when you couldn't wait to go to bed with each other to make love? Happy couples resist the temptation to go to bed at different times. They go to bed at the same time, even if one partner wakes up later to do things while their partner sleeps.
2. Cultivate common interests.
After the passion settles down, it's common to realize that you have few interests in common. But don't minimize the importance of activities you can do together that you both enjoy. If common interests are not present, happy couples develop them. At the same time, be sure to cultivate interests of your own; this will make you more interesting to your mate and prevent you from appearing too dependent.
3. Walk hand in hand or side by side.
Rather than one partner lagging or dragging behind the other, happy couples walk comfortably hand in hand or side by side. They know it's more important to be with their partner than to see the sights along the way.
4. Make trust and forgiveness your default mode.
If and when they have a disagreement or argument, and if they can't resolve it, happy couples default to trusting and forgiving rather than distrusting and begrudging.
5. Focus more on what your partner does right than what he or she does wrong.
If you look for things your partner does wrong, you can always find something. If you look for what he or she does right, you can always find something, too. It all depends on what you want to look for. Happy couples accentuate the positive.
6. Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work.
Our skin has a memory of "good touch" (loved), "bad touch" (abused) and "no touch" (neglected). Couples who say hello with a hug keep their skin bathed in the "good touch," which can inoculate your spirit against anonymity in the world.
7. Say "I love you" and "Have a good day" every morning.
This is a great way to buy some patience and tolerance as each partner sets out each day to battle traffic jams, long lines and other annoyances.
8. Say "Good night" every night, regardless of how you feel.
This tells your partner that, regardless of how upset you are with him or her, you still want to be in the relationship. It says that what you and your partner have is bigger than any single upsetting incident.
9. Do a "weather" check during the day.
Call your partner at home or at work to see how his or her day is going. This is a great way to adjust expectations so that you're more in sync when you connect after work. For instance, if your partner is having an awful day, it might be unreasonable to expect him or her to be enthusiastic about something good that happened to you.
10. Be proud to be seen with your partner.
Happy couples are pleased to be seen together and are often in some kind of affectionate contact -- hand on hand or hand on shoulder or knee or back of neck. They are not showing off but rather just saying that they belong with each other.
Happy couples have different habits than unhappy couples. A habit is a discrete behavior that you do automatically and that takes little effort to maintain. It takes 21 days of daily repetition of a new a behavior to become a habit. So select one of the behaviors in the list above to do for 21 days and voila, it will become a habit...and make you happier as a couple. And if you fall off the wagon, don't despair, just apologize to your partner, ask their forgiveness and recommit yourself to getting back in the habit.
MARK S. GOULSTON, M.D. is the author or the upcoming book, Just Listen (AMACOM, 2009) and is a psychiatrist and business coach in Santa Monica, California. Visit him at: markgoulston.com.
Article Source:Mark_Goulsto
I Feel Disconnected From My Spouse and Want a Divorce - Tips and Advice That May Help
I often get emails from people who say that they feel "disconnected" or "distant" from their spouse. Many will take this one step even further and feel that this is the first step to the chemistry or spark being gone and in "falling out of love." Some even go further than this and tell me that they think that they may want a divorce.
I understand that it can feel really "off" and discouraging to feel lonely or alone in your own marriage or that you just don't have a connection with your spouse anymore. But, I also suspect that if you were perfectly at peace with your decision or the way that your thought process was going, you would not have found this article. I honestly believe that it's at least worth a try to make an attempt to reconnect. Because often many of the factors that are going on in our life contribute to a sense of disconnect - and not just with our spouse - with everyone. Sometimes, if you can change the circumstances, you can also change the feelings. I am living proof of this.
Understanding The Disconnected Society We Live In: Our world is not really all that conducive to taking the time to nurture our relationships and to really take the time to connect one on one. Technology that allows you to "keep in touch" with only a few sentences and the blinking words on the screen ensures that we are short and hurried. Since it's oh so easy to keep in touch on Twitter and Facebook (mostly with limited characters) it's common to say a lot while really not saying much of anything.
This technology does allow us to keep in touch with folks who we otherwise would not interact with, but it is no replacement for face to face connections and it should not contribute to us interacting with our spouses this way. Still, there is no denying that we live in an unbelievably fast paced society which is full of distraction and obligations. It's very easy to assume that those closest to us know that we care and understand our burdens. Unfortunately, good intentions do not carry a marriage or ensure that we remain fully connected.
We unfortunately can not control our society, but we can control that boundaries and commitments that we place on our relationships. We make choices about how to spend our time each and every day, but the one's closest to us and most deserving of our time sometimes come up on the short side of this because we assume that they know that we care or that they will always be there for us and then we are surprised and upset when the changes and shifts start to appear in our relationships
Beginning To Reconnect With Your Spouse In The Hopes Of Avoiding Divorce: Many people who write to me are deep down troubled by this disconnect and they wish that it could change. But, they just don't know how to start and they have developed some long term habits that have started to define the relationship. It's often hard to get started or to go out on a limb and be the one who begins to make the changes. I completely understand this, but know that stepping out of your comfort zone is the first step toward making meaningful changes.
And, don't worry. You don't have to make any drastic changes. Its better that they are gradual anyway. You can start by looking at the relationship with fresh eyes. What has changed between now and the time when you felt most connected? I can tell you that most people will tell me that today, they have kids and obligations and just not enough time for each other. This is universal to almost everyone. And, honestly, you can not really change the fact that your have kids and that your life is busy and you probably would not want to.
But what you can change are the ways in which you prioritize how you spend your time and who you spend it with. Because often when you are "falling in love" with the person who is now your spouse, more is going on than just chemistry. You are both enthusiastic, willing, and in the right frame of mind to move forward. You are both on your best behavior - complementary, polite, attentive, thoughtful, and interested. These things obviously go along way toward feeling connected and to moving things along. But, how many of these things are you exhibiting today? And how does this omission affect the way that you feel? Because make no mistake. The circumstances drastically affect the way that you feel, but most people are not able to see the correlation until it's almost too late.
Focus on the things that the two of you might enjoy and might allow those attributes that were plentiful when you were connecting to come to the forefront. Promise yourself that you will put forth this effort with an open mind. If it doesn't work, then you are no worse off than you are now. And at least you will know that you made a sincere effort before you move forward toward the next step.
It was my husband who had "fallen out of love" with me (although I wasn't all that excited by him either, sometimes.) He felt that our marriage was completely over and often threatened to end it. I hoped that if I started by changing myself, I might be able to turn things around. And, I had to admit that neither of us were putting in the time. Eventually, I was able to not only restore my husband's love, but to save our marriage.
Article Source:Leslie_Cane
I understand that it can feel really "off" and discouraging to feel lonely or alone in your own marriage or that you just don't have a connection with your spouse anymore. But, I also suspect that if you were perfectly at peace with your decision or the way that your thought process was going, you would not have found this article. I honestly believe that it's at least worth a try to make an attempt to reconnect. Because often many of the factors that are going on in our life contribute to a sense of disconnect - and not just with our spouse - with everyone. Sometimes, if you can change the circumstances, you can also change the feelings. I am living proof of this.
Understanding The Disconnected Society We Live In: Our world is not really all that conducive to taking the time to nurture our relationships and to really take the time to connect one on one. Technology that allows you to "keep in touch" with only a few sentences and the blinking words on the screen ensures that we are short and hurried. Since it's oh so easy to keep in touch on Twitter and Facebook (mostly with limited characters) it's common to say a lot while really not saying much of anything.
This technology does allow us to keep in touch with folks who we otherwise would not interact with, but it is no replacement for face to face connections and it should not contribute to us interacting with our spouses this way. Still, there is no denying that we live in an unbelievably fast paced society which is full of distraction and obligations. It's very easy to assume that those closest to us know that we care and understand our burdens. Unfortunately, good intentions do not carry a marriage or ensure that we remain fully connected.
We unfortunately can not control our society, but we can control that boundaries and commitments that we place on our relationships. We make choices about how to spend our time each and every day, but the one's closest to us and most deserving of our time sometimes come up on the short side of this because we assume that they know that we care or that they will always be there for us and then we are surprised and upset when the changes and shifts start to appear in our relationships
Beginning To Reconnect With Your Spouse In The Hopes Of Avoiding Divorce: Many people who write to me are deep down troubled by this disconnect and they wish that it could change. But, they just don't know how to start and they have developed some long term habits that have started to define the relationship. It's often hard to get started or to go out on a limb and be the one who begins to make the changes. I completely understand this, but know that stepping out of your comfort zone is the first step toward making meaningful changes.
And, don't worry. You don't have to make any drastic changes. Its better that they are gradual anyway. You can start by looking at the relationship with fresh eyes. What has changed between now and the time when you felt most connected? I can tell you that most people will tell me that today, they have kids and obligations and just not enough time for each other. This is universal to almost everyone. And, honestly, you can not really change the fact that your have kids and that your life is busy and you probably would not want to.
But what you can change are the ways in which you prioritize how you spend your time and who you spend it with. Because often when you are "falling in love" with the person who is now your spouse, more is going on than just chemistry. You are both enthusiastic, willing, and in the right frame of mind to move forward. You are both on your best behavior - complementary, polite, attentive, thoughtful, and interested. These things obviously go along way toward feeling connected and to moving things along. But, how many of these things are you exhibiting today? And how does this omission affect the way that you feel? Because make no mistake. The circumstances drastically affect the way that you feel, but most people are not able to see the correlation until it's almost too late.
Focus on the things that the two of you might enjoy and might allow those attributes that were plentiful when you were connecting to come to the forefront. Promise yourself that you will put forth this effort with an open mind. If it doesn't work, then you are no worse off than you are now. And at least you will know that you made a sincere effort before you move forward toward the next step.
It was my husband who had "fallen out of love" with me (although I wasn't all that excited by him either, sometimes.) He felt that our marriage was completely over and often threatened to end it. I hoped that if I started by changing myself, I might be able to turn things around. And, I had to admit that neither of us were putting in the time. Eventually, I was able to not only restore my husband's love, but to save our marriage.
Article Source:Leslie_Cane
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